We put on our glasses. The autism glasses make it easier for us to see the world as it looks to you. Sometimes mom forgets to put on the glasses.

Image: The writers blog


This is what Cecilie Jahreie - who runs the website - writes The ADHD Supervisor - in a guest post on helpseeker.net. Here you read the whole new post: 

I feel your frustration in every cell in your body. I'll notice it as soon as you get home. The way the door closes, how to throw the bag on the floor.

Before you say anything, I know. I feel in my body your deep despair. It's coming too. The outbreak. "I have to change schools." "Everyone bullies me." "The teachers do not believe in me".

Today is one of those days.

They come occasionally. I know. I'm there for you. Even though you may not always believe it, or notice it. I am there. Weekday. The good day. The bad day. Mom is always here. I listen to everything that comes, everything that is thrown at me. I take it seriously. It's your feelings. Your experience. I try my best to be calm. Patient. It's not always easy. Sometimes I succeed, other times I do not. The times I manage to stay calm, I know what questions to ask. Today I know that. After many years of training. Many years of trial and error.

 

Body language is not that easy

I know that what you are saying, your anger, is not the cause of the frustration. I do not always succeed, but sometimes I succeed. Succeed in understanding what it's really about. There was a substitute an hour, you did not know that the teacher was sick! It was so noisy in class, and you get so tired of all the noise! The teacher said something that you experienced as bad. The teacher says that “no dear, it was just a joke! I smiled when I said that, had a clear twinkle in my eye! ”.

Body language is not that easy for you. The teacher does not understand it. You did not see the twinkle in your eye, and at least you did not understand that it means "now I'm kidding!" It made you stressed. You thought the teacher was naughty.

  

On the run

The easiest thing is to escape. Escape once more. To another class, another school where the teachers are nice and where the other children do not tease, bully and make noise in class.

Your mom has been carried away by it. Of stress, of unrest. of the kids who were naughty. By adults who do not understand. Yes maybe, maybe the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. We humans always hope so. We do not know, but it can be. Your dad and I have fled with you. Maybe we thought we protected you by constantly finding something better.

We are no longer fleeing now. We try to endure. The frustrations. The mind. The fear and anxiety.

 

We see the world through our glasses

We put on our glasses. The autism glasses make it easier for us to see the world as it looks to you. I have glasses that are special to me my vision. Another person who is nearsighted may not wear my glasses to look like me. This is how it is with the autism glasses for Dad and me as well. They are made for us.

We have tried to give them to your teacher or grandmother in the belief that they will see you in the same way as us. It did not work. You see, they have to get their own glasses. But it takes some time. And that's fine. Until the teacher has received his glasses, we must help and guide by explaining and interpreting, through repeated telephone calls and meetings.

Sometimes mom forgets to put on the glasses. And you know how mom would be without them. These are the days we quarrel about social studies for two hours!

You think you've done your homework. I mean, you did not do them. When I finally put on my glasses, it turns out that you are absolutely right! It is not on the lesson plan that you should understand or remember anything. It says you must read! And you did! You understand, my girl, that if we, Dad and I, and the teacher, are to understand that you have done your homework, we must wear the glasses.

Without glasses, we adults see quite poorly. And when adults see poorly, we quickly become annoyed and angry. With my glasses on, I also saw that it does not say a word that you should actually be able to talk about and remember what you have read! It says you should read.

 

You do not have glasses to see the world as we see it

You do not have glasses that allow you to see the world as we see it. Should you then be forced to understand our and the school's perception of reality, or should we put on our glasses and create the conditions for you? The latter costs so little, and means so much. You release the drop that causes the cup to overflow, you release the stress that is above the boiling point of your little body.

Instead of fleeing, as we did before we got the glasses, we will cooperate. Collaborate with you and with the school. Slowly but surely it gets better. With the glasses I see it. The days I remember to put on my glasses I dare to wait. I can keep my head cool. I dare to analyze the situation. What is the cause of the frustration today? Why have the last few weeks been difficult?

This time we do it in dialogue with the school and your teacher. You can get mad at it. I understand that. But you realize that in the long run this is the solution. We've been away for so long, my girl. And we get so tired of living on the run. And it's not greener on the other side. We must fertilize where we are.

 

Mommy happiness

I feel happy when you come home happy. Enthusiastic and vibrant as only you can be. I feel the joy bubble in my body. Nothing is like laughing with you my friend! But I no longer think that now everything is fine, now it has been resolved. From now on we will be well and stable. No one knows how long it will take before you meet someone without glasses, or that mom or dad will take off their glasses. Then it boils lightly over. I know that now. And that's fine.

Our everyday life is, and will never be stable, it goes in waves. But unlike before, Dad and I are prepared.

I look forward to when it's good. Your smile and your laughter melt your mom's heart. There will be difficult days. But now I see that it is often us adults' fault. We are the ones who have to keep the structure and predictability, even when everything is going well. I had "so much to do", so I prioritized the evening routines. We picked you up later from a friend, even though we really knew it would not be wise. 

I'm learning. Or I have learned. I know. I just forget to put on my glasses, and forget to translate the world to others. Will not see. Will not remember.

I see the steps we have taken together my friend. Each step has been small, but now our little family has walked many miles together. We have gone with patience, calm and security (well, not always….). And in constructive cooperation with the school.

We will make it. We have to make it. I have confidence that we have the resources needed to meet the unstable when it comes. Regardless. Your dad and I will not give up. Never.

- From the blog to The ADHD Supervisor

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