Learn about what a person with ADHD think you should know about persons with ADHD.

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In this post, Magnus Jackson Krogh writes about what you should think about if you care about someone with ADHD. Magnus is known from Oljebarna on the Norwegian VGTV, travels around the country and lectures on what it is like to have ADHD, and he is the author of several books about ADHD.

Here are his 13 tips for what to think about if you care about someone with ADHD:

 

1: Everything distracts me. EVERYTHING

Having ADHD means being distracted by every little thing. Email alerts, the sound of a car driving down the street, and itchy tags on clothes are not only annoying, they require our complete and immediate attention. We can focus on something, only that it is not always "you" want. It's a bit like having 100 different tabs open in your browser, and they all make sound. Which should you press first?

 

2: Our impulsivity can affect larger parts of our lives

If you tell a person with ADHD to follow their heart, they will do just that. This is how we try as actors, musicians, open a restaurant, go on trips, start school without finishing. Although many of our ideas and plans are never implemented, we allow ourselves to at least try. 

 

3: The chaos around us can destroy all our plans

People with ADHD may one day have organized all day, planned everything to the letter, before everything falls apart and we lose control. We often forget how to carry out tasks, and this can quickly affect our mood and anger.

 

4: Unrest is peaceful

We know it's tiring to be around someone who 'fiddles' with something, constantly. We are very aware of this ourselves, believe me. But that's what we do. We "fiddle" with something. We like it, so respect it. We are childish because it's safe. We like the things we know, no matter how old we get. 

 

5: We know how "crazy" we sound when we talk about ADHD

"I failed the test because I have a song on my mind", "I washed in the middle of the night", "I can not focus because I MUST think of something else". Sometimes we just want someone to understand how frustrating this can be. We must also try to tell how this can feel, and sometimes it seems very strange, because we do not take the time to explain this in an orderly and understandable way.

 

6: Nothing feels as good as «hyperfocus»

Hyperfocus is when my brain is open to learning so that I can grow as a human being. This is a feeling that only comes when I have eaten right, slept properly, and is in a place in my head that makes me listen, understand, and take in what is being said and explained. This feeling does not come by itself, I have to "yearn" for it. "Hyperfocus" is something many people take for granted, while for my part I experience this perhaps only once during the day.

 

7: This does not only apply to children

Many people believe that only children experience ADHD as difficult and frustrating. ADHD affects adults in the same way as children. It can feel at least as frustrating as an adult, because then you have to "understand" everything that happens. If you have never received help to understand your ADHD diagnosis, it is incredibly difficult for many adults to know how to solve the challenges. Unfortunately, there are far too few teachers and schools that take the diagnosis into account, so many adults become "helpless" when they grow up, and go out in their first job, for example. Many also do not get an examination and a diagnosis until they become well-grown adults.

 

8: My middle name is "Forgetfulness"

Yes, we forget, all the time. If we read an email or text message but cannot respond immediately, expect a response three days later, if it ever arrives. Had it been a service from the doctor to be able to remind me of hours, appointments and remind me of things that should have been done, I would have gladly paid for this. I have to settle for 100s of post-it notes, as long as I remember writing them.

 

9: We spend an insane amount of time looking for phones, money, cards and keys

If it is not in its "permanent" place, the chances are high that we will never find it again. We look in places we never think we will find it, like the phone in the freezer. Before we give up, we look in our pockets, and it usually lies there.

 

10: Sometimes we need help with the details

You know what it's like to struggle with a math for hours? So the whole answer is wrong because you added something wrong at the beginning of the piece? This is how it feels to live with ADHD. Sometimes we need 2 extra eyes that can help us see where things are going wrong.

 

11: We have a little anxiety. Always

With a head that is in a constant state of thought, it is no wonder that something "murmurs" inside us. The feeling that we have forgotten something, said something wrong or done something we should not, is there all the time. We spend an incredible number of hours worrying about things we do not have to worry about. This can be disruptive to us, and we can "disappear" from situations. Many times I can be quiet for hours, just thinking.

 

12: This is not a "fictitious" diagnosis

Many people think ADHD is a fictious diagnosei, which exists only as an idea. This is not true. ADHD is a very real diagnosis, which must be checked. It has many negative aspects, which require understanding. There is no point in saying "calm down", because it might be IMPOSSIBLE. There is no point in saying "do you not understand?", because as a rule you do not. It is hopeless to say "IDIOT", because it does not matter if you are smart or not. The diagnosis must be taken into account, by oneself and others.

 

13: We are driven by passion

With so many opportunities lying right in front of our noses, we do not want to "relax". We wish to do what we dream of. We want the "perfect" relationship. We want a good job. We want the "dream house". 

We only mean well, but sometimes it's hard to be our friend.

No matter how much we love you, we know we can be "poor" friends at times. We will forget plans we have made, forget to call back, forget to respond to messages, be angry for no reason, misunderstand situations, forget to repay money we have borrowed, "plump" out sentences we do not mean. But you know, we just mean well. To understand us, talk to us, because we are very aware of this ourselves.

And we know you love us.

Finally, I would say that none of these points are impossible to deal with. Find your way and your solutions, then I hope I can be of help along the way =)

- From the blog ADHD Inspiration